Saturday, January 19, 2019
POLAR EXPRESS
At the beginning of the month, we had the opportunity to visit Williams, Arizona to ride on the Polar Express. Given that this trip occurred a week to the date after our snow accident, I was a tad apprehensive a first. But we ended up having such a wonderful time riding on the train, drinking hot chocolate, and singing carols. The kids loved the magic of the whole experience. And I loved that my parents were able to see the joy of their gift firsthand.
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
BIRTHDAY BABES
I usually do individual birthday posts, but last week was rough. So here we are. First up, Ollie Dollie. This girl is the sweetest thing and the cherry on top of our family. She is sassy, clever, and determined. Loves the color purple and Beauty & the Beast. Everybody's favorite. And then Benny Boo (aka Blobby B). This kid is the craziest of the crazies. He is energetic, curious, and loud. Loves the color orange-red (NOT scarlet, but that's a close second... don't ask) and the Black Panther. My wild child. We enjoyed celebrating these two littles this past week.
Thursday, January 3, 2019
TRAUMA & MIRACLES
Bear with me. This is long.
I've been staring at the remainder of the pictures from our snow trip, trying to figure out how to best explain what happened next. Looking at these pictures, writing about the events, and talking about our experiences causes me to relive the trauma. But in order to more forward, sometimes we need to reflect on what has passed.
After our snow play, the intensity of the snowfall steadily increased as we packed away the snow gear, sleds, and boots. We decided to eat a quick lunch in the car before making the trip home. I hadn't even finished my sandwich when the urgent feeling of "leave. NOW." hit. The road that had once primarily been dirt was now covered in a layer of white. I cautiously continued forward until I felt comfortable on the snowy road. We drove several miles onward towards the Rim, awestruck by the beauty of the snow. Having driven Rim Road a dozen or so times, I knew I'd feel relief once I got to the familiar road. Instead, fear stopped me in my tracks and I brought the car to a halt. While a gentle snow had fallen on us as we played, the edge of the Rim had been blasted with blizzard-like conditions. Everything was covered in white; there was no trace of color anywhere. My cousin/friend did everything she could to bolster my confidence, but I only felt terror at the 18 miles that remained ahead of us; Rim Road is a dangerous road that can be difficult to navigate under the best of conditions. There are sheer drop-offs and deep ravines along the entire length of the road, which stretches 36 miles from just north of Strawberry on the 87 all the way to Heber on the 260. And we were in the dead center in an active snowstorm. I finally mustered enough courage to start up again, taking Rim Road west to the 87. As I slowly drove along, each mile we passed helped me to feel a little more at ease. That comfort soon vanished as we hit ruts in the road, which - mixed with inches of snow and ice - caused the car to lose traction; the car would slide along the road uncontrollably. My heart was in my throat. After 7 miles on Rim Road, we faced a winding hill that sloped up and around. On the left was a bank of trees and snow. On the right was a deep ravine immediately off the side of the road. And in the middle, there were ruts in our path. I knew the ruts would pull on the wheels, so I hesitated and slowed. We hit the ruts and slid towards the ravine on the right, so I slammed on the breaks. All momentum was gone. We were not going to make it up the hill; every attempt caused the car to slide further and further to the edge of the road. When the front wheels were just a mere TWO INCHES from the edge, it was clear that we were going to slide off of the road and into the ravine. Terrified, I got out of the car while my cousin/friend got into the driver seat and put the car into neutral. I was screaming and crying, but I threw myself at the car and pushed with every ounce of strength that I had. I still do not understand how I was able to get the car to move; I had to push it up and over the curve of the sloping road to prevent it from falling into the ravine. The kids were hysterical - and an image that will always haunt me - but they quickly calmed as the car finally started to roll away from the edge. The car rolled across the road and landed in a ditch on the other side. Try as we might, we could not dig the wheels out of the snow and mud. We were stuck. It was just after 2pm and we were 11 miles from the highway. I was able to get an SOS message out to my husband before service dropped. About an hour later, I was able to place a spotty call to 911. They informed us that a deputy was on the way to assess our situation and told us to sit tight in the meantime. A few texts came in from my husband informing us that the ranger station was closed due to a government shutdown. He had tried several off-road towing services, but never got anyone to answer the phone. I was in a panic. My mind started racing to all of the possible outcomes, most of which looked pretty grim. We were no longer in imminent danger, but we didn't know when or how someone would get to us. Cell service was broken at best. Snow continued to fall. And while I knew right where we were, we were having trouble sending a pin to anyone with our exact location. An hour later, we received a message from the sherif's deputy, informing us that a tow truck was over an hour out, but it was on the way. At about this time, I also got a phone call from old neighbors/family friends of 20+ years who live in Happy Jack - the Merkleys. Robert had gotten ahold of them and told them what he knew of our situation. They were driving down to help us. I almost told the Merkleys not to come as a tow truck was on the way, but something stopped me. They tried to take the road from the highway to get to where we were, but they ended up risking getting stuck themselves. The Merkleys told us they would turn around and wait at the highway until we reached the safety of the road - that they would call us the moment they saw the tow truck. So we waited. And waited. After another hour, the anxiety came rushing back. The tow truck should have reached us at this point. We hadn't even heard from the Merkleys to let us know that the tow truck was on Rim Road, so I was frantic. It was getting dark and we had no idea when help would arrive. At 5:20pm, I told my husband to text the tow service. They were 10 minutes out and coming from behind. Within 7 minutes of my husband's response, amber lights flashed through the dark, snowy sky. I cried. The tow truck had finally made it to us. I fell out of the car and stumbled to the driver, Eliot, crying. He ushered me into his truck where I started talking about a game plan with his girlfriend, Steph, as he assessed my car. We made a plan and were getting ready to make necessary adjustments when HIS truck began to slip due to the snow and ice. Our plan was immediately dropped. Eliot asked if I was willing to abandon my car as conditions were too unsafe to tow us to the highway. We were split into groups and I watched as he loaded up my cousin/friend, her daughter, and three of my children into his truck. At the last minute, he grabbed one more of my kids - my youngest boy - before driving off into the darkness and leaving me alone with my two remaining boys. As I was mentally preparing myself to be alone in the car in the dark for an unknown stretch of time, the passenger door opened and Steph hopped in. Again, I cried, but tears of relief. I would not have to be alone. She assured me that Eliot would keep everyone safe. It would be a 30-40 minute drive to the highway before he would double back for us. I just had to hold on for about an hour. Never had time moved more slowly. I had no way of knowing whether the Merkleys had stayed at the highway or not. An hour later, I received a message from the Merkleys asking if the first group had left the car. Had they left? Fear washed over me yet again. It should have only taken 30-40 minutes for the first group to make it to the highway. Where were they? Steph continued to calm me and explained conditions had probably worsened further and that Eliot would take every measure necessary in order to keep my family safe. 15 minutes later, we got a call from my husband that Eliot had made it to the road and was connecting with the Merkleys. I learned that the Merkleys then took my cousin/friend, her daughter, and my four to a nearby church to warm themselves and get food. Eliot was returning to the car retrieve me and my two boys. In under 40 minutes, he was back and we were moving only what was vital to the tow truck. Everything else would be left in the car. It was after 9pm, 7 hours after I had pushed the car into the ditch. The 11 mile drive from my car to the highway took 50 minutes. The storm had not settled and made the journey slow. There were areas where visibility was only about 2'. Temperatures had dropped below twenty degrees and 6"-7" of snow had fallen in some places where NO SNOW had been earlier in the day. My heart remained in my throat the entire ride and my eyes never left the road. Any time the road skirted the edge of the Rim, my chest tightened and my breathing became labored. It felt as if the terror would never end. Finally, at 10pm, I saw the highway up ahead and two cars on the road. My husband, his father, and a brother-in-law were there waiting for us. We had made it to the highway safely. Numbly, I climbed into my brother-in-law's car, where most of my kids were waiting. My kids fell asleep almost instantly. I, however, couldn't sleep. I couldn't look out at the road, but I couldn't sleep, either. So I cradled my youngest as she slept and messaged my mom and the two of my friends who had known of my peril. I cried and I fought remaining anxiety as we drove through the storm to Payson. Once we passed the storm, I slowly felt my body relax. Just before midnight, we pulled up to my house. Safe. My car was trapped in the snow of a ditch on the Rim, but we had all made it home, safe.
Eliot was able to go back up to the road the following afternoon and by 9pm that night, my husband and his father had gone to Heber and returned home with my car. It was covered in snow and ice, but it was without damage.
On that trip, I experienced fear like I had never known before. I experienced helplessness and hopelessness, too. But I also experienced relief on a whole new level. I experienced courage and bravery, too. My story could have had so many different endings the moment we got back into the car after playing in the snow, but I am grateful for the one we had. I mentally went to hell and back with all of the emotions and thoughts that I had that day. But we are all okay. I am okay.
I've been staring at the remainder of the pictures from our snow trip, trying to figure out how to best explain what happened next. Looking at these pictures, writing about the events, and talking about our experiences causes me to relive the trauma. But in order to more forward, sometimes we need to reflect on what has passed.
After our snow play, the intensity of the snowfall steadily increased as we packed away the snow gear, sleds, and boots. We decided to eat a quick lunch in the car before making the trip home. I hadn't even finished my sandwich when the urgent feeling of "leave. NOW." hit. The road that had once primarily been dirt was now covered in a layer of white. I cautiously continued forward until I felt comfortable on the snowy road. We drove several miles onward towards the Rim, awestruck by the beauty of the snow. Having driven Rim Road a dozen or so times, I knew I'd feel relief once I got to the familiar road. Instead, fear stopped me in my tracks and I brought the car to a halt. While a gentle snow had fallen on us as we played, the edge of the Rim had been blasted with blizzard-like conditions. Everything was covered in white; there was no trace of color anywhere. My cousin/friend did everything she could to bolster my confidence, but I only felt terror at the 18 miles that remained ahead of us; Rim Road is a dangerous road that can be difficult to navigate under the best of conditions. There are sheer drop-offs and deep ravines along the entire length of the road, which stretches 36 miles from just north of Strawberry on the 87 all the way to Heber on the 260. And we were in the dead center in an active snowstorm. I finally mustered enough courage to start up again, taking Rim Road west to the 87. As I slowly drove along, each mile we passed helped me to feel a little more at ease. That comfort soon vanished as we hit ruts in the road, which - mixed with inches of snow and ice - caused the car to lose traction; the car would slide along the road uncontrollably. My heart was in my throat. After 7 miles on Rim Road, we faced a winding hill that sloped up and around. On the left was a bank of trees and snow. On the right was a deep ravine immediately off the side of the road. And in the middle, there were ruts in our path. I knew the ruts would pull on the wheels, so I hesitated and slowed. We hit the ruts and slid towards the ravine on the right, so I slammed on the breaks. All momentum was gone. We were not going to make it up the hill; every attempt caused the car to slide further and further to the edge of the road. When the front wheels were just a mere TWO INCHES from the edge, it was clear that we were going to slide off of the road and into the ravine. Terrified, I got out of the car while my cousin/friend got into the driver seat and put the car into neutral. I was screaming and crying, but I threw myself at the car and pushed with every ounce of strength that I had. I still do not understand how I was able to get the car to move; I had to push it up and over the curve of the sloping road to prevent it from falling into the ravine. The kids were hysterical - and an image that will always haunt me - but they quickly calmed as the car finally started to roll away from the edge. The car rolled across the road and landed in a ditch on the other side. Try as we might, we could not dig the wheels out of the snow and mud. We were stuck. It was just after 2pm and we were 11 miles from the highway. I was able to get an SOS message out to my husband before service dropped. About an hour later, I was able to place a spotty call to 911. They informed us that a deputy was on the way to assess our situation and told us to sit tight in the meantime. A few texts came in from my husband informing us that the ranger station was closed due to a government shutdown. He had tried several off-road towing services, but never got anyone to answer the phone. I was in a panic. My mind started racing to all of the possible outcomes, most of which looked pretty grim. We were no longer in imminent danger, but we didn't know when or how someone would get to us. Cell service was broken at best. Snow continued to fall. And while I knew right where we were, we were having trouble sending a pin to anyone with our exact location. An hour later, we received a message from the sherif's deputy, informing us that a tow truck was over an hour out, but it was on the way. At about this time, I also got a phone call from old neighbors/family friends of 20+ years who live in Happy Jack - the Merkleys. Robert had gotten ahold of them and told them what he knew of our situation. They were driving down to help us. I almost told the Merkleys not to come as a tow truck was on the way, but something stopped me. They tried to take the road from the highway to get to where we were, but they ended up risking getting stuck themselves. The Merkleys told us they would turn around and wait at the highway until we reached the safety of the road - that they would call us the moment they saw the tow truck. So we waited. And waited. After another hour, the anxiety came rushing back. The tow truck should have reached us at this point. We hadn't even heard from the Merkleys to let us know that the tow truck was on Rim Road, so I was frantic. It was getting dark and we had no idea when help would arrive. At 5:20pm, I told my husband to text the tow service. They were 10 minutes out and coming from behind. Within 7 minutes of my husband's response, amber lights flashed through the dark, snowy sky. I cried. The tow truck had finally made it to us. I fell out of the car and stumbled to the driver, Eliot, crying. He ushered me into his truck where I started talking about a game plan with his girlfriend, Steph, as he assessed my car. We made a plan and were getting ready to make necessary adjustments when HIS truck began to slip due to the snow and ice. Our plan was immediately dropped. Eliot asked if I was willing to abandon my car as conditions were too unsafe to tow us to the highway. We were split into groups and I watched as he loaded up my cousin/friend, her daughter, and three of my children into his truck. At the last minute, he grabbed one more of my kids - my youngest boy - before driving off into the darkness and leaving me alone with my two remaining boys. As I was mentally preparing myself to be alone in the car in the dark for an unknown stretch of time, the passenger door opened and Steph hopped in. Again, I cried, but tears of relief. I would not have to be alone. She assured me that Eliot would keep everyone safe. It would be a 30-40 minute drive to the highway before he would double back for us. I just had to hold on for about an hour. Never had time moved more slowly. I had no way of knowing whether the Merkleys had stayed at the highway or not. An hour later, I received a message from the Merkleys asking if the first group had left the car. Had they left? Fear washed over me yet again. It should have only taken 30-40 minutes for the first group to make it to the highway. Where were they? Steph continued to calm me and explained conditions had probably worsened further and that Eliot would take every measure necessary in order to keep my family safe. 15 minutes later, we got a call from my husband that Eliot had made it to the road and was connecting with the Merkleys. I learned that the Merkleys then took my cousin/friend, her daughter, and my four to a nearby church to warm themselves and get food. Eliot was returning to the car retrieve me and my two boys. In under 40 minutes, he was back and we were moving only what was vital to the tow truck. Everything else would be left in the car. It was after 9pm, 7 hours after I had pushed the car into the ditch. The 11 mile drive from my car to the highway took 50 minutes. The storm had not settled and made the journey slow. There were areas where visibility was only about 2'. Temperatures had dropped below twenty degrees and 6"-7" of snow had fallen in some places where NO SNOW had been earlier in the day. My heart remained in my throat the entire ride and my eyes never left the road. Any time the road skirted the edge of the Rim, my chest tightened and my breathing became labored. It felt as if the terror would never end. Finally, at 10pm, I saw the highway up ahead and two cars on the road. My husband, his father, and a brother-in-law were there waiting for us. We had made it to the highway safely. Numbly, I climbed into my brother-in-law's car, where most of my kids were waiting. My kids fell asleep almost instantly. I, however, couldn't sleep. I couldn't look out at the road, but I couldn't sleep, either. So I cradled my youngest as she slept and messaged my mom and the two of my friends who had known of my peril. I cried and I fought remaining anxiety as we drove through the storm to Payson. Once we passed the storm, I slowly felt my body relax. Just before midnight, we pulled up to my house. Safe. My car was trapped in the snow of a ditch on the Rim, but we had all made it home, safe.
Eliot was able to go back up to the road the following afternoon and by 9pm that night, my husband and his father had gone to Heber and returned home with my car. It was covered in snow and ice, but it was without damage.
On that trip, I experienced fear like I had never known before. I experienced helplessness and hopelessness, too. But I also experienced relief on a whole new level. I experienced courage and bravery, too. My story could have had so many different endings the moment we got back into the car after playing in the snow, but I am grateful for the one we had. I mentally went to hell and back with all of the emotions and thoughts that I had that day. But we are all okay. I am okay.
All images were taken by my cousin/friend with my camera. The first was when we arrived at Rim Road. The remainder were taken when the tow truck first arrived. All images are unedited.
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
SNOW DAY
Every year, I take the kids to see snow. And every year, our experience is quite a bit different. This year was no exception. I decided to go up north on December 27th and kept a sharp eye on weather conditions for the Rim. My cousin/friend and her daughter were happy to join us for the adventure. With not much snow on the ground and little in the forecast, we set off that morning not knowing what we'd find. We hit Payson, Pine, and Strawberry and saw ZERO evidence of snow. Once we ascended the Rim, there was only a sparse amount on the rocks off to the side of the highway. But nothing like I had hoped for. We passed my favorite spot, Forest Road 300 (also known as Old Rim Road). Nada. We continued on to Happy Jack. I decided to take Forest Road 95 - which meets up with Rim Road - since I know the latter well. We eventually found some snow several miles in. The kids played for a couple of hours, making snow angels, sledding down hills, and having snowball fights before we decided to pack up and head home. By that point, snow had started falling and was accumulating on the road, so it was time to go...
