THREE-NE

Nene is three. THREE. And boy does this firecracker act her age...
Happy birthday, my mini me & bff.

REAL

Alright, guys. Prepare yourselves for an existential post; I'm about to pour out some heavy.
Have you ever had one of those days that was just so... positively beautiful that you felt like everything in life had finally aligned? Today was one of those days for me. It wasn't perfect. Oh no. The littlest boy decided to walk/tumble down a slide. The wee baby choked on the arm of her sunglasses. The second oldest screamed for a good fifteen minutes over a rock. Typical day. But something else happened throughout all of this: I found my balance. I learned that I am capable of taking a day-long trip to the zoo with my six on a total whim. I learned that I don't really care what others think when I [discreetly] nurse my baby while watching my other little ones play. And I learned that I am happiest when I am present with my children - not just "there". It's ridiculous that it took so long for me to discover this. It really is. But I haven't been in tune with myself lately because I've been suffering from postpartum depression. Luckily, I knew what was happening soon after my sweet baby girl was born. I had such a difficult recovery and she had such rough beginning; those first two month were miserable. I had a hard time adjusting and it honestly felt like I was drowning. For what might be the first time in my life, I swallowed my pride. I told my doctor. I began taking antidepressants when Olivia was six weeks old. And they changed everything. My attitude. My perspective. My direction. The stigma surrounding postpartum depression makes it something not often talked about, but the struggle is real (I'm not even joking). I was suffering and, as a result, so was the rest of my family. Once things started to improve, I made the decision to not only be open and honest about it, but to share my experience with others. While it hasn't been an easy journey, it has allowed for quite a bit of growth. I feel like I am finding myself - like I am finally able to be my best self for my family. And that is a beautiful thing.

EASTER EASTER

Holidays are much more exciting with littles. Which may or may not be the reason why the Easter bunny got a little carried away over the weekend... Worth it.

EARLY EASTER

I know Easter is still a few days away, but the mr.'s extended family had their Easter celebration a week early due to General Conference. Pancake breakfast. Egg hunt. Fun activities. My littles loved hunting for Easter eggs and were excited to find some filled with confetti. Not to mention eggs filled with candy. They love candy. After the hunt, they joined their cousins in dying eggs (thanks again, Lisa!). It was a lovely morning.

BLESSED

We are still alive. And starting to form a regular routine. I never anticipated it to take me TWO MONTHS to get back to feeling normal. With all of my other littles, we were good to go after two weeks. But this last little one has really given us a run for our money. Thinking about all that has happened over the past two months makes me realize that I've needed this. I've needed to learn how to work through a difficult phase. I've needed to learn how grace applies to me. I've needed to learn how to take a step back and just... be. It's been humbling; I've had to rely on people more than I've ever had to before. And now that we are in a better place, I am able to see just how blessed I truly am. Even with struggles, my life is beautiful. Speaking of beauty and blessings, OUR little beauty was blessed by her daddy a couple of weeks ago. It was a lovely day.

CHALK

We're spending a lot of time outside. Perfect weather. Extra sunshine. Fresh air. Our main source of entertainment lately? Chalk.

SIX

Oh hey, blog. I sort of forgot about you. It's these six littles. They are crazy. And hard. And crazy hard. It's funny to me - up until now, adding another little to our family was not much of an adjustment. I could tackle the world minutes after returning home from the hospital. This time, though. Eesh. Not so much. These last [almost] four weeks have been rough. Not being able to recover in my "normal" time-frame did not help matters, either. So I can tell you - WITHOUT A DOUBT - that six is our limit. I mean six kids in 6 years is just pure insanity. Waaaaay more crazy than five kids in 5 years. Trust me. But you know what? Even though there have been some flat-out miserable days, I wouldn't change anything. This difficult phase is just that. A phase. It won't be long before I am back to conquering this "mom of many" thing (I hope). For now, the house might not be as orderly as I would like. The kids might not be taught preschool every day. And I might not cross off all the tasks on my to-do list. It's okay. We'll make it.